Polyphasic Sleep Experiment, Days 2-3 (4)?

Ah yes, the delirium is finally starting to set in. I'm being invaded by an army of ants; this part is true. But for an already paranoid person, sleep deprivation is probably not the best alloy for fixing up chinks in the ol' armor.

I awoke from another too lucid dream (already forgot what about but it seemed to last all night despite my being asleep for only half an hour), went to get some ginger ale from the kitchen, and was relieved from that annoying post-nap stupor by an orgy of those crawling fucks openly reveling in what can only be described as Dionysian ecstasy all over my kitchen counter. This is probably something I should've seen coming - I'll explain why - and I remember kicking myself briefly before grabbing sopping paper towels and wiping sheets of tiny swarms into the trash. This is what god must feel like when he's concocting an earthquake or a massive tidal wave.

Like I said, this is something I should've seen coming. I did put the bait trap right there and the box did say that it contained something that apparently ants find very appealing and irresistible. Essentially I put an ant crackhouse on the kitchen counter. And that stuff really made them go.* These normally business-like creatures were exhibiting signs of unpredictability and drunkenly irrational behavior. And the most telling thing about all this was the fact that there was food - presumably the thing that these animals are after most - in cabinets and drawers right next to where the buggers were celebrating but the crack-in-a-trap was just too tempting, too available to pass up.

There's an obvious human parallel here but I'm too respectful of my readers (read: lazy) to actually go into it. My eyes are shutting involuntarily so I'll have to go into the paranoia-driven details of my sleep-deprived mind at a future time.


*footnote: Ants are nature's hardest workers. They're organized, efficient, and have this amazing ability to use their collective power to carry out incredibly complex projects by sacrificing the will of the individual. For whatever reason I have this habit of personifying animals and animal species and ants automatically flash impressions of the Chinese or Japanese.

** An interesting article on the subject printed a few days after I wrote this: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/13/science/13traff.html?pagewanted=1&th&emc=th

Polyphasic Sleep Experiment, Day 1

I'm trying something new. It'll probably end in some kind of brutal violence against me due to my own brain deadness or will just flicker away because I couldn't hack it. Either way, I'll see how long I can maintain a sleep schedule consisting entirely of 30 minute naps every four hours or so. I'm one day into this and you can probably tell by the more than usual sloppiness and lack of rhythm that it's making a minor dent in my cognitive skills already. I hear day 10 is the horizon. Others have hit it by the fourth day. I'm really hoping my hump is sooner than later because if the side-effects increase exponentially I'll be certifiably retarded or Tom Cruise loony in a few days.

The one thing that immediately presents itself upon starting this little adventure is what do do with the extra five or so hours that you have each day. Nights, I presume, will be the hardest. Besides watching tv there's not much to occupy yourself with that doesn't involve dozing off or having the cops called on you. Tonight I'll try to arrange for one of the girls come over to keep me awake. This is obviously going to take a lot of night-to-night maneuvering. But I didn't say it wasn't fun.

One more little tidbit. Today I was feeling really groggy and it was hot in my apartment and I felt I'd seriously lose it before my next nap. So I threw on some clothes and walked down to the local college to talk to the girls over there. It was mostly dead and the few that were around seemed intent on getting to the destinations without much delay. They were responsive though, and cute and giggly but completely driven by the clock-gods. I still haven't quite figured out how to make a woman stop on the street. It's a lot easier when they're stationary. This little exercise gave me a little energy and brightened my mood a bit. It was all good fun the way it should be. None of that frigidness you'd get from the same girl if you transplant her from the street to the club. But that's a whole 'nother game.

Stay tuned.