And All of That Jivin' Around

I noticed, recently, a recurring theme with some of the women in my life. I'm not sure if I can name it properly, let along adequately describe it; to the point where I'm not even certain it exists at all. But this quality, this thing that ties them together was always so present - like the way you can tell someone's touch on your shoulder without ever seeing them - that I have to contribute my only realizing it now to an amazing obliviousness on my part.

This thing, this je ne se qua is why I'm attracted to these women more than anything their sex or their bodies have to offer. It's the reason one of these women has been haunting my thoughts even though it's been months since we last spoke (and not because of how things ended. I've had easier times forgetting more elusive women). But it's just dawned on me that the same trait is present in another, not so much a friend but a strong acquaintance let's call her. What I feel for this woman is only vaguely sexual; there are many women who I find physically more attractive. And, given a chance, there are many more women I would rather sleep with. Not to say though that she's not attractive - she is a beautiful woman - but rather it's a different kind of fantasy that she haunts.

This woman that staggers me, that makes me linger for hours on each word, each syllable, would sacrifice herself, her own happiness just to let you know that she doesn't need you. She makes it evident in her every action, in every word she says that despite the fact that she knows you can bring her real joy, she can forget you (or rather, discard you) at the slightest sign of her dependence on you.

and she runs through her days, with a smile on her face
and she runs, and she waits...

And it seems to me that it's her patience that most astounds me. Like she will wait forever, if she has to. And if you call, she will come to you and you'll both be happy. But if you don't, she'll keep running, running forever, smiling all the way.